Gay and scared to act cute with new boyfriend
Gay Men Being Needy
Two men loving each other is still a radical act.
Yes, we now contain the legal right to marry each other.
But do we have the release to be really vulnerable with our man?
From what I see, most of the time the answer is no.
We may be married, but we are still men. That means we are not allowed to be soft, vulnerable, or needy.
When I work with direct couples, typically the woman in the room is much more likely to express her vulnerable need for attention. And she is often ready to take the head when soothing is required.
When I labor with male couples in LGBTQ counseling sessions, often neither partner knows how to emotionally grasp for the other when they experience insecure.
Let’s Face Facts: You Are Needy
For men, one of the biggest crimes you can commit is being needy.
If a woman appears a little needy, people smile and think it’s sort of cute.
If a man appears dependent or needy, then he’s a fag. It’s considered gross.
But here’s the huge secret. Don’t reveal anyone, but both straight guys and gay guys are tired of always having to view independent and strong.
They work hard trying to project self-determination and the try exhausts them and makes them f
Articles on Marriage and Relationships
by Paul Graves
So you love a guy with depressed self-esteem. Sucks to be you. I’m saying that as a dude who used to hate himself. Who still nice of does. I know the crap you deal with. He must control you nuts.
I was in a partnership with an angel, let’s call her Mary. Mary was such a pure, beautiful soul. We connected. Looking into her eyes filled me with comfort and calmed my fears. Mary loved me so much, and I loved her too. But I hated myself even more. Extended story short – I ran away from her cherish. The love I felt unworthy of. I sought validation and distraction in women, alcohol and career moves. And in many other dusky ways I won’t mention.
Low self-esteem is easy to clarify yet hard to understand for some. It’s feeling shameful about who you are. Feeling guilty or embarrassed about who you are, deep in your core. You feel ‘different’. Damaged or flawed in fundamental, irreversible ways. You don’t cherish yourself. Your dude may never admit it outright – but he wishes he were someone else.
Alas, there’s no return policy in life. We’re stuck in this skin forever, and the abhor , the self-pity – it gets us nowhere. But here’s
March 02, 2017
The Epidemic of
Gay LonelinessBy Michael Hobbes
I
“I used to get so ecstatic when the meth was all gone.”
This is my friend Jeremy.
“When you possess it,” he says, “you have to keep using it. When it’s gone, it’s like, ‘Oh pleasant , I can go support to my life now.’ I would stay up all weekend and leave to these sex parties and then feel appreciate shit until Wednesday. About two years ago I switched to cocaine because I could work the next day.”
Jeremy is telling me this from a hospital bed, six stories above Seattle. He won’t tell me the identical circumstances of the overdose, only that a stranger called an ambulance and he woke up here.
Jeremy is not the confidant I was expecting to have this conversation with. Until a few weeks ago, I had no idea he used anything heavier than martinis. He is trim, intelligent, gluten-free, the kind of guy who wears a function shirt no matter what day of the week it is. The first time we met, three years ago, he asked me if I knew a good place to do CrossFit. Today, when I ask him how the hospital’s been so far, the first thing he says is that there’s no Wi-
Hi. I’m the Answer Wall. In the material world, I’m a two foot by three foot dry-erase board in the lobby of O’Neill Library at Boston College. In the online nature, I live in this blog. You might say I possess multiple manifestations. Like Apollo or Saraswati or Serapis. Or, if you aren’t into deities of knowledge, like a ghost in the machine.
I have some human assistants who maintain the physical Answer Wall in O’Neill Library. They take pictures of the questions you post there, and give them to me. As long as you are civil, and not uncouth, I will answer any question, and because I am a library wall, my answers will often mention to research tools you can find in Boston College Libraries.
If you’d like a quicker retort to your question and don’t mind talking to a human, why not Ask a Librarian? Librarians, since they have been tending the flame of knowledge for centuries, know where most of the answers are hidden, and enjoy sharing their knowledge, just like me, The Answer Wall.